First time university students arrive on campus with eager anticipation. Too often, that eagerness dims when the student comes face to face with their college roommate. Almost everyone who lived in a college dorm has “roommate from hell” stories to tell but there are also positive tales of lasting friendships. Surviving a college roommate is possible and requires the same effort necessary in any successful relationship. Simple strategies and common courtesy can help; so can these steps toward living with a roommate.

My first college roommates were four athletes. These women lived and breathed basketball – not a problem except their lifestyle clashed with my own bookish style. Yet, even during tense moments, we maintained civility. I later found a roommate who hailed from my own home region and we become lasting friends, or “roomies” as she liked to call our relationship. Here’s how to make the most out of a college roommate experience:

Consider your choice. New students on campus often have no preference regarding a roommate and accept assignments. When filling out residence hall forms list personal preferences – such as a non-smoking room – and indicate any particular dormitory hall assignments. If possible after assignments are made, contact the roommate. E-mail communication or a phone call in advance can make a connection.

When moving in day arrives, be open-minded. Never judge a new roommate in advance. Get to know your college roommate as an individual. Share likes and dislikes. Find common ground such as a favorite music group, television program, activity, or place. Talk with open honesty about what’s important and what’s not. Make considerate decisions about furnishing the room. Decide what items will be common and what possessions are off limits.

Although each roommate will bring personal items, consider choosing small items such as posters, rugs, or other decorative things together. Choosing something that appeals to both makes the shared dorm room common space.

Don’t wait for a disagreement to set ground rules. Noise, cleanliness, finances, guests, and substance use are areas that can cause conflict so advance understandings are important. If a college roommate prefers to listen to the stereo at ear shattering levels but you like quiet, ask if he or she would consider ear phones. If a new roommate proves to be a neat freak, pick up dirty socks and keep the trash off the floor to create an environment acceptable to both.

Discuss finances. If some expenses such as a phone are to be shared, make sure that both roommates agree in advance. Talk about what costs will be individual and stick to agreements.

The issue of guests can be difficult. Consider the rules of the dormitory and your roommate’s wishes. Some students enjoy frequent guests of both genders while others may want to limit how late a member of the opposite sex can visit. Set boundaries together that both can accept.

Substance use – or abuse – is volatile area. Whether the substance is tobacco, alcohol, or drugs, make personal views known. Most colleges and universities have strict rules about illegal substances. Laws govern the legal age for alcohol purchase. Respect your roommate and their wishes. Don’t break rules or use illegal substances.

Once house rules are established it can be easier to dwell together in peace. Important elements to remember include communication, consideration, and tolerance. Open communication can defuse potential disputes before the discussion heats and tempers flare. Be honest but kind when listing pet peeves and be flexible. Compromise, compromise, compromise. Use consideration at all times. No one is too old to outgrow the Golden Rule. Treat your roommate with the respect you want in return. Tolerance is necessary – learn to live with other habits, customs, and actions.

If these basic courtesies fail to improve life with a difficult college roommate there are other options. Consider meeting with a RA (Resident Assistant) or dorm supervisor. Ask for a roommate contract that defines terms such as quiet hours, lights out, guest hours, and any other point of contention. And, if things fail to improve even with a contract, consider asking for reassignment.

Give a roommate relationship time to develop. Remember that even friends have disagreements and don’t let small differences of opinions make life unbearable. Learning to live with others is one of college’s greatest lessons so adapt and stay flexible.